Christmas

So before break I received a packet about the different origin stories of Christmas, and because I'm annoying I decided to bug every person who remotely cares about me by going "So did you know that.." and everyone pretty much didn't listen because no one care about why things are they way they are. But why not? Why aren't people confused or curious or creeped out by Christmas?
Yeah, I know it's not Christmas but since clearly no one wants to hear how it originated I just want to discuss how weird this holiday is.

First if all, a lot of Christmas songs that people love are actually really creepy and yet we sing them to "bring good cheer and "make people merry".
Santa Claus is Coming to Town sounds like it's talking about a serial killer who you DO NOT want to break into your house at night while you're sleeping. This song is just a parent's warning and plea to their child to not anger that fat old omniscient being.
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus is really odd and creepy because this poor child is witnessing their mother cheating on it's father and is just sitting there watching them. Especially after the idea that Santa is some psychotic creeping murderer who may or may not unleash its rather on the child, it's more than horrifying to see that their mom is having an affair with him and may or may not be in on his evil scheming.
Baby, It's Cold Outside is pretty much implying that this poor girl wants to get out of this man's house and he won't let her. He even drugs her ("Hey, what's in this drink?").
Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer.. do I really need to say what's wrong with this?

Why do we love these songs? Because it's tradition. But every tradition nowadays, with or without knowing its origin and significance is something that should really puzzle people more than it does.
So we go outside and chip down a tree so that we can take it inside, wrap lights around it, and hang things from the branches and then the next day things appear under it. If I were an alien I would think that people were creating their own trees and tricking it into thinking it was an item tree, causing it to bloom with other items that fall down by morning and that the lights and star were there to charge it with the right amount of energy to do so.
Then we take socks off our feet and hang them up, originally so make sure we don't have to become prostitutes, but now so that a strange man can put things in them for us like candy canes. The fact that we put them over the fireplace is just a safety hazard and just baffles me.

Maybe I'm a little but of a Scrooge but there's something about Christmas underneath everything I love about it that just gives me a bad feeling inside like somehow I've been raised into being as foolish as ancient savages trying to please omniscient unseen gods by giving them offerings (milk and cookies) so that they will not smite me or seduce my mother. I've been raised to please and worship some bearded man as a God and gift-giver, and I don't even do that with the "real" religious figure Jesus Christ.
Speaking of Jesus Christ, if I was him I would be angry that people took everything I did for them and decided to use my day to ensue drunken orgies and later on to praise some fictional person instead of me. We don't even celebrate his birthday on his actual birthday. It's like if in the middle of the summer my friends and family had a surprise birthday party with cake and beer, said "Well we didn't like that your birthday was in January because its cold and we like summer more so let's just pretend today is your birthday" and then got drunk, crashed my place, and sang happy birthday to some random person with no resemblance to me. That's just plain rude.

We're Still Alive?

So it is officially no longer 12/21/12 anymore and guess what?
NOTHING HAPPENED.
I, of course, didn't believe the world was ending and instead laughed quietly and made fun of it. In the words of Charlie McDonnell, “Always deny the apocalypse, because you'll usually be right and when you're wrong they'll be nobody around to say I told you so.”
It's a little disappointing because part of me was looking forward to an apocalypse. You never really know who your true friends are until you're trapped in a house with all the doors and windows barricaded shut and only have a limited amount of food and water left. That's when things get real. I personally enjoy the idea of a zombie apocalypse even though I'm deathly afraid of zombies mostly because of the movie Zombieland.
Now that the world isn't over, what do we possibly do with our lives?

Really, Canada?

Canada's new 100 dollar bills smell like maple syrup.
MAPLE SYRUP
not only is that really gross to sniff money, ANY money because of all the germs on it, but its like thy now that they're only known for their syrup and moose and are just running away with it. They even have a little maple leaf on there for the scent.
How are they even a country? They are just.. is there even crime there?
I kindof just want to go there to try it out because it seems really cool but it's just so silly at the same time.

So Anxious for Friday!

The Supreme Court decided it would decide 2 cases of gay marriage after California outlawed it.
The first case is about the definition of marriage being between a man and a women, and the other is about California's decision and whether it was constitutional or unconstitutional.
Oh, my sweet, white, baby Jesus, that is so nerve-wracking. There's no issue I care about more right now than gay rights because it effects me, some of my family members, and most of my friends. WHAT IF THEY SAY IT WAS CONSTITUTIONAL TO BAN GAY MARRIAGE AND THAT ITS ONLY BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMEN? WHAT IF ALL THE OTHER STATES START DOING IT TOO THEN? That is terrifying that means I could never marry a woman even if she's the love of my life that is horrible oh god.

Global Warming is Serious Business

Everybody knows what global warming is, and enough well-educated non-conspirators believe that its a serious problem. Apparently, no one is as serious abut it as Jan Brewer, and old, crooked-faced blonde governor of Arizona, who has been said to punch a Channel 3 reporter over it at an energy conference. The articles are everywhere, all accompanied with a very unpleasantly angry photos of her yelling and wagging her finger to everyone, even Obama.

As you can see, i jumped on the bandwagon.

I was hoping when they said "punched", they meant a pro-boxing, broken-nose causing blood-gushing attack. Sadly, I was mistaken. It was more of a "hey, pal!" type of punch that was enough to get his attention. If you ask me, a simple tap on the shoulder would've sufficed.

Just Kidding, China!

Oh, that Onion and their wacky shenanigans! The Onion, a news satire organization, made an article naming North Korean supreme leader Kim Jong Un as the "Sexiest Man Alive for the year 2012".

And why wouldn't they? That dude is SEXY -and by sexy I mean I puked a little in my mouth.

nice Blue Steel, you sex god you



Anyone who lives in America, even if you haven't participated in some anti-communist jokes, would figure out pretty quickly that it couldn't be true.
Unfortunately for China, the people at People's Daily Online didn't get it and made their own article about it.
This
is
HILARIOUS.
They were so embarrassed by their that the link I had for it isn't there anymore so I think they took it down I'm like dying inside from laughter.